Emotions/Feelings

I found a few pictures that pretty much explains the emotions/feelings I've been going through

I put them in this order because its how my emotion/feelings have progressed to. Its hard to be happy when I've decided to let the one I love go to love someone else. It's one of those sacrifices of the heart where no matter how happy you are for them, your heart breaks every time you see them.

Single Motherhood

My wonderful friend Sam Chapman did maternity photos of me the other day. I want to share one of the photos and the statement she put underneath it. It was so powerful and uplifting. I really need to hear what she said.

Sara,

I wanted this photo to feel a little lonely because pregnancy and single motherhood can BE lonely and feel dim and hopeless...but you are strong and you are lucky to have a good support system of family and friends to help lighten your emotional burden. I had you face away from me to symbolize you looking away from the life you had, and looking toward your new life purpose. You have one foot turned in the right direction to show that you are choosing to move forward to that new life you have chosen. I believe that we choose our purpose, our destiny, and our path...the key is just to live. Savor each beautiful moment and quickly move on from the painful one. I hope you like your photos...you really are adorable pregnant. ;0)

Sam

Family

Tonight my brother leaves to go back to California. It was so nice to have him home for Christmas. So today, my Aunt Pam took family photos of us so we could have updated ones. I've put my favorites below.

Handmade gifts

Now that presents have been open, I can post what I made as gifts.

This is a scarf I made for Rachel from a t-shirt. It came out a bit short but it was still cute.

A braided bracelet made from a t-shirt for my cousin's. They all got the same color so that way they don't fight.

Last but not least, I made this tile quote for my Mom.

I had quite some fun making these for gifts. And those who received them, loved them.

Merry Christmas

As kind of a family tradition, I joined my cousins tonight to go see the lights at Temple Square. I have always made it a priority to go see the lights around Christmas time and I thought I wasn't going to make this year. Thankfully, I made it. Thank you Uncle Lemar, Aunt Pam, Jess, Megan, and Trystan.

Christmas came early this year because not only do we have early church (9am) but Uncle Lemar, Mom, and I have to be there EXTRA early (7:55am) for one last choir practice. We started opening presents a little after 10pm and finished like right at midnight. Our evening was full of laughter and tears. Before opening, we read Luke Chapter 2 to help remind us of the meaning of Christmas. Then...onto the chaos known as presents. Here is the list of what I received:
From Jess:
Cute black onesie w/ skull & crossbones on it, tutu, and headband. (She knows me well. Thanks cuz! And she was so excited about her present that she made me open it very first.)

From my Aunt & Uncle:
Black fleece pjs w/ polka dots
Love Spell body spray

From Rachel:
New earbuds (Pink)

From Aaron:
Cute blue onesie w/ a snowman that says "Snuggle"

From Staci:
Lotion set from Bath & Body Works

From Alicia:
Foot Scrub kit from Bath & Body Works
Hat and Onesie that has Cailin embroidered in it (made me cry!)

AND
From Mom:
Seasons 1, 3, 4, & 5 of Criminal Minds (got Season 2 at 2009 Christmas)
Books "Make Way For Ducklings" (one of my favorite childhood books) & "Harold and the Purple Crayon"
and cookware...to help me get my own place or in her words "Time to move out already" present. Haha mom

THEN
From myself:
Magic Bullet Baby Bullet!

If I forgot to say Thank You when I opened your gift, THANK YOU! I hope everyone liked what I got them. I know Rachel was a bit confused with hers. I made her a scarf from a t-shirt.

Me surrounded by all my presents. I couldn't get out.

So much blackmail/inside jokes were created tonight. But most importantly, memories with family. I can't thank my family enough for opening their home to my mom, Rachel, Aaron, and I in our time of need.

Now I have one more gift to wait for...Cailin Shannon. I'm surprised that I didn't induce myself into labor with all the laughter tonight. And I'd blame my uncle and my brother for that, acting like gay men. Actually, I almost died from laughter. Poor Cailin probably didn't understand what was going on.

34 weeks

34 week belly

Yesterday marked my 34 week milestone. I also had a doctors appointment. Here is what my doctor said:

• Starting now, if I starting having contractions she won't stop them. Just let them ride and if I go into true labor, I go into labor.
• My GBS test came back positive so once my water breaks I have to go immediately to Labor & Delivery and get on Antibiotics.
• Once I hit 37 weeks, she could come any day and I go see my doctor every week.
• Cailin is still in the head down position, which is right where we want her to be.
• When my doctor felt my belly and Cailin, she said that I have nice sized baby and no doubt that she will be average size (7lbs 5ozs) if not bigger. 

Only 6 weeks left till my due date! Where did time go?

Strength...

I feel like I've gained a lot but at the same time I feel like I'm crumbling apart at the seams. I did something that I thought I would never do and feeling very overwhelmed. Fighting internally with my old self to not take back what I did because it would bring so much hurt and pain to everyone involved. I still have TONS of fears about my decision but I need to trust myself. I love those involved so much! So much I don't think that they will ever understand. I'm making a huge sacrifice so those people can have a chance at being happy.

24 Hours

In the past 24 hours, I've had I guess what you would call an awakening. I feel like a new woman. I was in a situation that normally would just make me crumble under. And it almost did. But I'm blessed to have a great friend in Alicia Palmer. In our conversation last night she said something, I don't know what, that torn down what ever was holding me back. Right after, I did and said things I've always wanted to do. I feel stronger than ever, more confident in myself, more open with others, and overall not scare of myself.

I still have a rough 1.5/2 months ahead of me. But not only is these upcoming months but 18 years or so, is going to be the greatest adventure I'm going to partake in. And I'm glad to the the people in my life that will be on the adventure with me. And hopefully those people know who they are.

Early Christmas

Yesterday was a very happy day!! My bestest friend/sister Alicia Palmer, who is in the National Guard and has been in Iraq, came home yesterday! ABC 4 News had a camera crew there and they captured her arrival. I arrived just a few minutes late and missed the filming. But I was at the airport to welcome her home. I'm included a link to the video of the homecomings.
http://www.abc4.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=3090100
It's real easy to pick her out. She's the only female solider they show. I'm so proud of her and the everything she has done for our country. But I'm glad to have her home safe and sound.

Crafty Christmas

So I'm finally being able to satisfy my "nesting" urges and getting crafty. And I was so excited when I picked up the supplies, planning out how I was going to document my progress, then post my results on here. But then I remembered, these are Christmas gifts! I can't post what I'm doing for Christmas gifts! Then those people will see what they are getting! Almost pulled a pregnancy brain fart. Haha. I've already started on one and almost done so I can't really document them so even post after Christmas. But for the remainders, I will document what I progress. Then AFTER Christmas I will make a DIY Craft post.

P.S. I'm already starting to get a little jealous of the gift I'm working on right now. I might have to make one for myself.